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Condensed  World History:  

For those that don't know about history...... here is a  condensed version.

Humans originally existed as members of small  bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains  during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in  the winter.The two most important events in all of history  were:
1. The invention of beer, and
2. The invention of the wheel. 
3. The  wheel was invented to get man to the beer.
These were the foundation  of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of  humanity into two distinct subgroups:
1. Liberals
2. Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum  can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery.  That's how villages were formed. Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to barbeque at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly  barbeques and doing the sewing, fetching, and hairdressing. This was the  beginning of the Liberal movement.Some of these liberal men  eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as girlie-men.  Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication  of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of  Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that  conservatives provided.

Over the years Conservatives came to be  symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant.  Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.

Modern liberals like imported  beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled  water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and  French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side  note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men.  Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in  Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the  designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also  bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still  provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys,  lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police  officers, corporate executives, athletes, Marines, and generally anyone who  works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives  who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing.  They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production.  Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why  most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to  America . They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business  of trying to get more for nothing.

Here ends today's lesson in world  history....... It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge  to angrily respond to the above. 

A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of  this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers  and to more liberals just to piss them off....

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